Wow.  I went to check twitter and noticed I had been suspended, so I logged into my other two twitter accounts and noticed I was suspended there as well.  I composed the heartfelt email below and sent it and immediately noticed I was reactivated already.  Wierd.

Help.  My twitter accounts have been suspended.  I don't know that I've violated anything.  I read the why am I suspended page and it all seemed to point to spam or name squatting. 

I'll describe what I've done, but I can assure you there was no negative intent.  I love twitter and I was using it I ...<< MORE >>

Here I am, nearing 30 and still learning about myself and life.  I think this is what life is all about...Education.  It's a lifelong practice to learn.

But I digress.  The real topic of this post is how I'm trying to learn to be a father.  Here's the back story.  I've played the part of deadbeat dad mostly for the first 4 years of my son's life for various reasons.  Partially, I was scared of being a father.  I didn't believe in children out of wedlock.  His mom also left the door open for me to have doubt about him being mine by disappearing between the time she should have conceived and after he was born.  In between that time she called and told me on the phone that she was pregnant and that the due date was in February, which added up with the last time I was with her.  But then he was born in November, which would mean he was probably conceived while she was M.I.A.  Adding to the trouble, was my not being responsible enough to take care of myself, let alone another, and my trouble with money and responsibility.  It is clear, I need to earn WAY more money than I spend in order to live comfortably. 

Fast forward and today was my first time I've bought him anything for Easter.  I got my mom, who is good at spending money well, to put together an easter basket, and she got him one as well, and put together bags for his two older brothers.  Needless to say they were overjoyed when I showed up to drop them off.  I've also become much more consistent at monetary support.  His mom has sensed I'm trying to be a father and has told him and his brothers (or either they just figured out on their own) that I'm his father.  This is probably something that should have happened a long time ago because now there is a definite difference.  Rather than just showing up to pay my debt and leave, I now feel more like a father.  He sees me and says "Hey daddy" and his brothers say "There your daddy is" and it just feels like something as opposed to before where it was more like I was just their mom's friend.  Where before I went to their place with a condom in my pocket hoping to get some affection from their mom, now I go there to get some happiness from seeing my son and I leave thinking about him.  I feel like things have come a long way from the days where I wished he didn't exist because I thought kids were all about giving their mothers money.  Now I realize how much of a difference it makes that the little fella knows who his daddy is.  I want to get myself together so I can do more, but I still have fears about being a parent, but I realize now that everyone does, its just some people handle it better than others.  Some people are born to be parents and that's all they want, some people learn to be parents, and some people like myself, have to learn what a parent is. 

I still have a way to go, and hopefully I'll blog about it.  I have to learn to accept his two brothers.  Right now, I see two kids that I could care less about.  They're cool, and on some level, I'm actually better with them because I don't feel any responsibility towards them, but that's just the point.  Right now, if someone were to kidnap them, but not my son, I wouldn't feel bad at all.  I give my son toys or clothes, or give his mom some money and the first thought is "those other two better not get their hands on it, I'm not doing a damn thing for them."  I see them curse or fight and I giggle and don't feel the least bit concerned.  If my son says a bad word, or is bad I don't want it to continue.  In other words, I don't care about the other two.  One, I actually don't like because he's an instigator, but...well, it's a work in progress. 

By the way, his name is Tyrell and I'll keep the Internets posted.

        

Apparently I ranted to my local CBS affiliate about their wall-to-wall BO coverage and they conveniently ignored the rant at that time.  But they saved the email and now are planning to interview me as a part of a story they are doing on black conservatives.  Imagine my surprise when one of their main anchors personally started calling me to set up the interview.  I haven't felt this entitled since the last local John McCain rally, where I was grabbed by a handler and escorted to the front of the line of people on stage and in view of the ...<< MORE >>

If you're a fan, its that time of year again.  Time for the super bowl of racing, the Daytona 500.  I love the fact that my favorite sport has the longest season (only 3 months off).  The field is shuffled by the economy, with teams losing sponsorships and laying people off.  Nascar is closer to its roots with more of a racing to be able to continue to race feel, and less of a feel of too many competitors trying to race every week.  I get the feeling that by mid season, they may be back at the point where ...<< MORE >>

I've done some work recently, updating the tech blog at blog.suffolk757.com to a new design, and adding a few new posts.  Also updated the front page at www.suffolk757.com .  I also started a political blog at www.differentwaytothink.com . 
I hope to make it a point to update my blogs more often to keep them useful.  I'll also try to blog here about life in general. 
First update:
I'm working tech support in Va Beach, VA.  Loving the job, but alas its seasonal, and it will end around the middle of April.  I'm trying to time things out so I get ...<< MORE >>

It's official.  I got a new site for the political commentary I've been blogging.  It's nowhere near ready for prime time, but it's live at http://www.differentwaytothink.com .  Thanks for all the support.  This will be my personal blog from now on, with all things political and ideological on the new site.  Cheers!
...<< MORE >>

Stumbled upon a quote that perfectly mirrors my beliefs while commenting on a blog that said that taxing the rich more to spread the wealth was a good idea. That article was here .

Posted by Hilton T. Young at 10/29/2008 12:32 AM | Add Comment